Aquarius Will Dedicate a Song on Late-Night Radio, Taurus Will Admit to Missing the Exit

Aries

Today Aries will return the drill they borrowed from the neighbour on the second floor two years ago. They'll wipe the dust off it, buy it new drill bits and ring the doorbell before they can change their mind. The neighbour will only remember the drill when they see it in Aries' hands. The invitation for "just one coffee" will stretch into the evening.

Taurus

Tonight, on the way back from visiting friends, Taurus will miss the exit off the ring road and admit the mistake before the satnav says a word. Their partner will wait for an excuse - the sign, the fog, the other driver. The excuse won't come. The ten-minute detour will be the quietest and most pleasant drive of the week.

Gemini

Today Gemini will write down every expense from October on a sheet of paper, from the electricity bill to the last takeaway coffee. The coffees will come to more than the internet and phone combined. They won't give them up. They'll start bringing a thermos to work, at least two days a week.

Cancer

Cancer, who until now has only ever run for the bus, will go for a run along the riverside this morning, in the fog and in old trainers. After ten minutes they'll stop with their hands on their knees. They'll carry on walking, then running again, then walking again. They'll get home red as a tomato and write in the calendar: "Tuesday - 3 km".

Leo

Today Leo will wear a jumper nobody will notice and say only what they must. It will be their calmest Tuesday this year.

Virgo

Today Virgo will turn down an extra task from the boss, in one sentence and without three paragraphs of explanation. The boss will say "fine, I'll give it to someone else" and move on. Virgo will spend the whole afternoon waiting for consequences. The only consequence will be going home at five instead of seven.

Libra

On the way home today Libra will stop at the pharmacy and measure their blood pressure on the machine by the door. The number will be a little higher than expected. They won't panic: they'll buy less salt and walk to the third bus stop. How many times have they walked past that machine without stopping?

Scorpio

Today Scorpio will lend money to the friend who calls before the end of the month, without asking what for and without writing down a date. They'll transfer it while the friend is still explaining. The friend will pay it back on Friday, with an extra chocolate bar. Scorpio will eat the chocolate immediately.

Sagittarius

Tonight Sagittarius will cook dinner from their partner's mother's recipe and call her three times while cooking: about the flour, about the oven and about how much "a little" water is. She'll explain patiently and throw in two more recipes they didn't ask for. The dish will turn out almost like hers. Their partner will ask who taught them - and Sagittarius will say they figured it out alone.

Capricorn

Capricorn, who always stands by the door on the bus so as not to miss the stop, will sit by the window today and doze off. They'll wake up at the last stop, when the driver says "end of the line, boss". They'll head back on the bus going the other way and get to work half an hour late. They'll be the best-rested person in the office.

Aquarius

Tonight at eleven Aquarius will call the late-night request show on local radio, for the first time in their life. They'll wait on the line for twenty minutes and rehearse the greeting three times. When their turn comes, they'll dedicate a song "to someone who knows" - no name. Tomorrow morning three friends will message them asking whether the song was for them.

Pisces

Today Pisces will assemble the shoe cabinet after first reading the instructions, from the first page to the last. They'll sort the screws by size, in a bowl. The cabinet will stand straight on the first try, with not a single screw left over. That has never happened to them before.