Libra Will Turn Down a Wedding Invitation Without an Invented Illness, Cancer Will Pull the Guitar Out of the Wardrobe

Aries

Aries is at a check-up today, and when the doctor asks how many coffees he drinks a day, he won't say "two". He'll say five. The doctor will look at him over her glasses and write down something longer than his name. He'll walk out with a slip that says "less", underlined twice.

Taurus

Taurus will move the living room sofa today, which hasn't budged from its wall in eight years. Under it he'll find a remote, two pens and the earring his partner has been looking for since summer. The room will suddenly look a metre bigger. On the first evening, out of habit, he'll sit where the sofa used to be - on the floor.

Gemini

Today, when a colleague in the kitchen asks "how are you?", Gemini will give a real answer instead of "fine, you?". The colleague will freeze with the mug in his hand. It will turn out he isn't fine either. Their coffee will go cold, and the conversation will be the most useful meeting they have all week.

Cancer

Cancer will pull the guitar out of the wardrobe today, with three strings and dust on the lid. They'll buy new strings and put them on alone, following a twelve-minute video they'll spend forty minutes watching. Of the whole song, they'll master the first four bars. The neighbours won't complain, and Cancer will take that as a compliment.

Leo

Leo will ask for help today. He'll ask his younger colleague how to freeze columns in a spreadsheet, something he has been pretending to know for three years. She'll show him in five minutes, without a trace of irony. Leo will bring her a coffee and write everything down in a notebook, just in case.

Virgo

Virgo will find a mistake in the electricity bill today - 340 denars she never used. She'll call, wait on hold and explain the mistake three times, to three different people. By the end of the working day the money will be credited back. None of the three will thank her, so Virgo will thank herself.

Libra

Libra will turn down the invitation to a third cousin's wedding today. She'll write the refusal politely, in two sentences, with no invented illness and no "we'll see". Her aunt will call within five minutes, and Libra will calmly repeat the two sentences. She'll be left with a free Saturday and an envelope she doesn't have to fill.

Scorpio

Scorpio will say "I don't know" in a meeting today. Nothing bad will happen.

Sagittarius

Tonight at eleven, Sagittarius will put a discounted plane ticket for a weekend in Barcelona into the basket. They won't pay right away, but leave it until tomorrow morning. In the morning the discount will still be there, and the desire - half of it. They'll close the window without buying and spend the weekend on something that doesn't require an airport.

Capricorn

Capricorn will write his partner a letter today - not a text, but a letter, with a pen, on a sheet torn out of his planner. He'll cross out the opening three times. He'll leave it on the pillow and head to work before she wakes up. He'll stare at his phone all day, and the answer will arrive only in the evening, in person, at the door.

Aquarius

Aquarius will read the rental contract down to the last clause today, before signing it. In clause seven she'll find that the rent can be raised "by agreement", without saying with whom. The landlord will say it's standard. Aquarius will ask for the sentence to be crossed out - and it will be. How many contracts has she signed so far because they were "standard"?

Pisces

Pisces will finally check the hallway light bulb today, which hasn't worked since August. It will turn out it just needed to be screwed in all the way. Three months of lighting their way with a phone, and the fix took five seconds. They won't tell anyone.