Aries

Aries will set off on foot up Mount Vodno today, planning to reach the cross at the top in an hour. Halfway up they'll stop - not from tiredness, but because an elderly man on a bench will offer them water and a chat. They'll reach the summit in two hours and won't regret a single minute.

Taurus

Taurus will ask their partner today what they'd like to do on Saturday and will actually listen to the answer, even when it's "nothing". They'll spend the afternoon on the sofa under two blankets, watching a film they've both already seen. Neither of them will mention it later, and both of them will remember it.

Gemini

Gemini will lose an argument today with a seven-year-old granddaughter who insists a single cloud weighs as much as a whole herd of elephants. They'll start off confidently, with "but they float, how can they be heavy", and end with "well... it depends". In the evening they'll look it up on their phone and find out the granddaughter was right. They won't tell her - she already knows anyway.

Cancer

Cancer will open the box of old photos today to find one for their mother's card. Three hours later they'll still be sitting on the floor surrounded by them, and the card will have to wait until tomorrow.

Leo

Leo will play five-a-side today with a group they haven't seen in months, turning up in brand-new trainers. Fifteen minutes in, they'll realise their fitness stayed behind somewhere in 2019. They'll last until the end and laugh at their own misses, and tomorrow they'll climb the stairs as if they were scaling Mount Korab.

Virgo

Virgo, don't make a plan for the weekend today. Get up when you wake up, eat when you're hungry, and go out only if you feel like it. The first two hours will feel uncomfortable, like someone else's shoes. By evening you'll have broken them in.

Libra

Libra won't show the hairdresser a picture on their phone today, but will simply say "do what you think suits me". The hairdresser will freeze with the scissors in mid-air, as if she's just received the biggest compliment of her career. The hair will end up shorter than Libra would have chosen - and they'll like it more than they'll admit.

Scorpio

Scorpio will hear their favourite song on the radio in the supermarket today and stand still between the shelves until it ends. Shopping trolleys will have to go around them. They won't budge a millimetre.

Sagittarius

Sagittarius will find the cellar key they've been looking for since August today - in the pocket of their summer jacket. Along with it they'll pull out a concert ticket, two pieces of chewing gum and a hundred denars. They'll act as if they've won the lottery and spend the hundred denars on pastries for the whole family.

Capricorn

Capricorn will try to sleep in until nine today, because it's Saturday and that's what everyone does. At five past seven they'll be wide awake, staring at the ceiling. They'll get up, wash the car, clear everything past its sell-by date out of the fridge, and by ten they'll have finished everything they'd planned for the whole day. In the afternoon they won't know what to do with themselves.

Aquarius

Aquarius will decide today not to comment on anything they read online - all day. At least three opportunities will come up to explain to someone why they're wrong, and three times they'll close the app. Will the world survive a day without their opinion?

Pisces

Pisces will change a flat tyre themselves today, in a car park, with their dad on a video call as the instructor. It'll take them forty minutes and one pair of dirty jeans. When they're done, they'll photograph the old tyre as if it were a trophy.