You got the job, you bought the flat, and the joy lasts a few weeks: a psychologist explains why the mind gets used to good things so fast

You were waiting for a birthday, a promotion, a trip. The day came - and instead of euphoria, a neutral feeling. Sometimes even emptiness, followed by disappointment in yourself for not being happier. Psychologist Ester Boada, director of the Sukha centre, says this isn't a character flaw, it's simply how the mind works.

"We believe that once we get what we want, we'll be happy, but the mind adapts very quickly and immediately looks to the next goal," she explains. Psychology calls this hedonic adaptation - the tendency to return to our stable level of satisfaction after every good event. The example is a classic: someone saves for years, moves into a flat, celebrates for a few weeks - and is already planning to redo the kitchen.

How many people have lived exactly this scenario? Boada warns, though, that ambition isn't the culprit. "The problem isn't that we want more, it's that we constantly live with our eyes fixed on what's missing."

The good news is that this is a cognitive bias, and it can be trained. The suggestion is to stop and remind yourself that the things you take for granted today were once strong desires. The job you now complain about, for example, may once have been your dream.

Dopamine is for the chase, not the finish

The brain's reward system releases dopamine mainly while we are searching and anticipating, not when we arrive. That's why chasing goals can become almost an addiction - we get more attached to the race than to the result. The runner who crosses the finish line and, instead of glory, feels a strange emptiness knows this first-hand.

Boada offers four practical steps. First, "integration pauses": a few days or weeks in which you take in what you've achieved before setting a new goal. Second, look back: write down three things that five years ago were only wishes or unfinished projects. Third, tell goals apart from values, and link your successes to what gives everyday life meaning - health, relationships, learning. Fourth, "closing rituals": celebrate the success with the people who supported you.

Enjoying things, she says, is also something you learn. It doesn't mean giving up ambition, but separating well-being from the endless collecting of outward successes. Happiness depends less on what we acquire and more on how we live, who we share our life with and how we feel while we're living it. Simple on paper - but how many people stop long enough to check?