A colleague asks you to cover their weekend. A relative asks you to babysit. Your boss asks if you can do "just this one more thing". And before you have even thought about it, you say "yes". Not because you have the time, but because "no" sounds to you like an insult.

Therapist Catalina Hoffmann, creator of the Neurofitness method, describes the mechanism without sugar-coating: "When we say yes, we feel we are accommodating others, even though inside we know we are exhausted." We have been taught to link "yes" with being good, available, useful and needed. "No", on the other hand, we link with conflict, disappointment and the label "selfish". That is why we take on things we realistically cannot carry.

The problem, she says, is not just how you will find time for everything you promised. "That yes we give to others very often becomes a no to ourselves." At the root are so-called limiting beliefs - thoughts we accept as absolute truth without any evidence, and which hold back our growth.

Your worth isn't measured in favours

If you believe you are worth as much as you do for others, every boundary will bring you guilt. "We think: if I can help, I should help. But being able to do something doesn't mean we always have to," explains Hoffmann. The difference we need to learn is between helping because we want to and helping because we feel obliged - in order to feel worthy.

The signs that you are at the edge

The body reports in before the head admits it. According to the expert, the signals are greater irritability, tiredness, less patience, worse sleep and the feeling that every little thing takes enormous effort. Often you also lose interest in things you normally enjoy. But the clearest alarm is something else: "You have reached the limit when you start to feel that everything you do is an obligation and you have no space for yourself."

That is when, she says, you should stop and ask yourself: how much of what I do do I actually choose, and how much do I do because I think I have to? The answer is usually uncomfortable. That is exactly why it is useful.

How to say "no" without drama

Hoffmann offers a few thoughts to start with. A boundary does not mean you stop caring about others - it means you start caring about yourself too. "No" doesn't have to be cold or aggressive: "I can't right now", "I won't get to this" or "I'd rather not promise, because I won't be able to do it the way I'd like." And most importantly: you don't have to justify every boundary. The guilt will show up, especially at first, because you are doing something you are not used to. "But feeling guilty doesn't mean you are doing something wrong. Sometimes it just means you are learning to make yourself a priority," she says.

The trick: don't answer straight away

The simplest advice is also the most powerful. Instead of an automatic "yes", the line is: "Let me think about it and I'll get back to you." A small phrase that opens up space to hear yourself before you commit. In that space, Hoffmann suggests three questions: Do I have the time? Do I have the energy? Do I really want to do this? If the answer to any of them is "no", the automatic "yes" should probably become a boundary.

How many times have we said "yes" to a relative or a friend just so they wouldn't be offended? Maybe that is exactly why we need this advice. Nobody will look after you as well as you can yourself - and from that place, from your own health and peace of mind, everything else is built.